Friday, December 28, 2012

We Suck At Christmas

This year Christmas went much like the years before. Not just the holiday traditions, but in other ways. Ever since I was a child, the anticipation of Christmas killed me. I couldn't bear to wait until the 25th to know what goodies were wrapped up under the tree. I would search the house for my mom's hiding spaces and was almost always successful. Once she caught, on the presents would get wrapped earlier so that I wouldn't spoil the surprise. Then my sister let me in on a secret. Just unwrap one side, slide out the gift, and re-tape. No one would ever know. Genius!

I did this a few years and then as I grew older I also grew tired of my premature present problem. I kind of wanted to be surprised. However, I couldn't get rid of the urge entirely. Maybe it was the control freak in me (a character trait I am just coming to terms with) that wanted to know exactly what was in store on Christmas morning. Every once in a while I'd peek at a bank statement or see a bag. I would get just enough info to satisfy me. 

OK, enough about my flaws, this post is about The Captain too. I can't speak for his childhood (other than I know he was trouble) but as a grown man he has always been a pain in the pirate's booty during Christmas. I would ask for gift ideas from him and he would have little to no input. I can always find something for him, but friends and family would beg me for ideas and I would come up short. Eventually I payed close enough attention to all the little things he would tell me about to get a list together. Then he would ruin it.

The Captain has a shopping problem, maybe I should make this an intervention.
I am here because I care about you and I'm worried about you. You like to buy things and shop like a girl. I notice that you browse online and load up your wish list all the time. Nearly everyday you come home with a bag. You like to "collect" things to justify this. You often say things like "it's limited edition" or "it was on sale" to make it OK. But who are you trying to convince? Me, or the little boy inside of you crying out for help?
OK, but in all seriousness, he buys crap all the time. It is a rule that you can't buy things for yourself during the Christmas season because people are shopping for you. It's not my rule, it's Santa Law of something. It has happened in the past that he bought a hat, or a DVD, or something that I already bought or told someone to buy. Then someone has to return a gift. This year was no different.

You better not break Santa Law!

I was being my usual sneaky self and snuck away on a recent trip to our home away from home, Disneyland. I stopped in one of the Downtown Disney shops and bought a wallet that The Captain had been wanting for a while. I knew he couldn't find it anywhere so I was convinced I made the ultimate purchase. Then, just a few weeks later I saw an email that said "Your Order at" Naturally I opened the email to see what The Captain "needed" this time. The first item on the list was the wallet. What a scalawag! He had done it again. Then I saw the item below said Minnie Mouse and quickly closed the email. I shouted at him from across the room about ruining his present and then he shouted back about me snooping and seeing my gift. Touché, sir, touché. We both failed at Christmas.

The Captain's Harvey's Nightmare Before Christmas Wallet
In the end it actually worked out OK because I got a different, but still very awesome, wallet at the sale price. I also surprised him with a case of guava jam shipped from Hawaii (don't ask). I, myself, was also completely surprised at my gift because I forget that it existed and that I wanted it. I was shocked to open such a rad watch! We still kind of suck at Christmas, but we managed to stay surprised.
My gift: An awesome limited edition Minnie Mouse watch with a hidden face. Perfect so that I don't crack the watch face. (I have a tendency to do this)

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