Friday, May 31, 2013

If I'm Having a Midlife Crisis Does That Make Me Old?


This year I will be turning thirty as you've probably seen me mention, what feels like, a million times just this week. I guess it's because the thought of ending my twenties seems to really be what's on my mind right now. Turning thirty is a milestone in one's life, and with such a milestone comes a lot to consider. All of this got me thinking about my life, where I've been, and where I'm headed.


Way back when I was in my early twenties, I envisioned myself as a successful fashion designer living in a house in the hills of Hollywood with The Captain and our pugs. 

Looking at my life now I am still working in retail and living in the my parent's house with The Captain, our pugs, and The First Mate. Although our living situation is temporary, it still isn't how I envisioned turning the big 3-0.


Computer aged photo of me
Computer generated image of me as an old fart.

As I thought about the future and life in my thirties, I started to ask myself some questions:

Am I having a midlife crisis? 
If that's the case, does that mean I'm old? 
Does that mean I'm only going to live until I'm sixty? 
Does that mean I can't be cool anymore?
Will people will start saying "You look good, for thirty." 
Does this mean I have to be a grown-up? 
Should I have my life together by now?

Seriously, should I have my life together by now, because I'm not where I want to be, nor where I thought I'd be? I feel like this is both normal, and totally unacceptable. So I'm taking action by focusing on the things I want to change in my life.

Career: My goals have changed after becoming a mom. I've decided that being home more to raise my son is important to me. I am working on becoming a work at home mom and setting goals to bring in more income. I also want to get back into designing and creating, even if on a small scale.

Lifestyle: The number one thing that needs to change is our living situation. That's a no brainer and a big step in getting life back how we like it. I would also like to be more comfortable when it comes to finances.  I want to have extra spending money again and not be maxed out on our budget. Another part of this is living more like a minimalist. This is easier said than done when you miss all your stuff in storage and have a husband with the hoarder gene and a shopping problem.

Self: I have really put myself on the back burner. Hell, I may not even be on the stove top. I want to be the person I envision I am in my head. This may sound silly to most, but I want to get my dream tattoo work done, wear clothes I love, and eat healthy and get in shape. Why should I be walking around in an exterior that is just a mediocre version of what I'd like? Part of this self goal also involves physical health and taking care of things I may be putting off.

Family: I would like to have another child, I loved the first time around. Some of the above goals need to start to come to fruition before that is the right decision. I refuse to be pregnant in my parent's house, no matter how long I've been married. I've casually mentioned becoming a surrogate to The Captain and even mentioned that it would be a nice paycheck. He's not on board. Ultimately, my goal is to always have time for my family and to be able to give them the best that I can provide.

So maybe this is a normal reflection that twenty-nine years brings, or maybe it's that whole midlife crisis thing. Whatever it is, I'm using it to take on new opportunities and work towards the life I want to live. 

This post was supposed to be a light-hearted look at turning thirty and feeling old. Man, did that get heavy quick. I think that leads to another question:

Do I have to be serious in my thirties?

2 comments:

  1. I hear you! I thought my life would be very different than it is now. My plans for 30 were wrong! Ha! I'll be 30 in December. Scary!

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    Replies
    1. I've still got a few months to go, but it is no longer sneaking up on me. It's coming at me fast! Everyone tells me their 30s are the best years, I hope so.

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