Friday, May 9, 2014

Be You, Otherwise You're Just Pretending

As I was mindlessly dancing at work, like I always do, someone pointed out that they'd be embarrassed if they were me. I replied "I don't get embarrassed." It's pretty true, too. I have been like that my whole life. 

Now don't get me wrong, if I tucked my skirt into my underwear or something similar, I'd probably turn red. What I never get embarrassed about is being me and having fun. If I'm enjoying myself, why feel awkward about it? I'm just being unapologetically me. 

I've got the ability to laugh at myself and the desire to entertain. Even as a child I would put on shows, dance wildly to "Grease Lightening" around the coffee table, and dress up as a fully uttered cow for Halloween, because I wanted to. There was no filter on my reasoning because of what people might think. 

This passed into adolescence in the form of punk teen angst. I dyed my hair and spiked it, wore tutus and combat boots, and challenged "the man." I liked being different. Differenciating myself from  helped me define who I was as a person. Questioning everything made me the avid researcher I am today. I don't take someone's word for it with anything, I seek out the answer myself. 

As I got older, the only thing that made this waiver was gaining weight. I didn't like the way I looked, so I didn't know how to dress. I like bright colors and fun clothes, but I didn't want to draw attention to my fatness. This led to losing almost all my personal style, with the exception of my hair. Hair never gets fat. It was tough to deal with, and I think it really affected my attitude as well. 

I'm really only getting a clear grasp on this now, as I'm dropping weight. I am fitting into old clothes that bring back memories. When I go shopping I can buy crazy shorts or a fun printed dress. My personal style is showing, and therefore I am wearing my personality freely again. My entire spirit is reinvigorated and it is only now that I see what I had lost for so long. Me. 

So from now on I will:

  • Dance like a banshee
  • Sing like no ones listening
  • Laugh at myself
  • Dress like the world needs color, or the 80s, or more stripes, or like I'm going on a sea voyage, or like a 83 year old man
  • Find humor in everything
  • Be true to my convictions
  • Find my own answers
  • Make others laugh
  • Like what I like

and do anything else I want, because I am me. 

1 comment:

  1. glad you're embracing your weirdness through clothes again! :) remember your astroturf skirt with christmas lights? or your blue hairy sasquatch pants?
    who's in the backround of your bunny costume photo? it's a little pixelated, but it looks like the de hague's house in denver what, no mention of the fact that you would only eat offof plates on the floor & carry on your side of a conversation in barks for a full year of your life?


I'd love to hear what you've got to say. Please leave a comment and I'll do my best to reply to them all.